Millie

My cute, sweet, beautiful Millie passed away last Tuesday. We found out about two weeks ago she had a pinched nerve and started her on some meds that really helped for a few days and then we noticed her back legs weren't working so well, within a matter of days Millie could no longer walk and had stopped eating for the most part. I fed her eggs everyday which she ate but the last two days of her life she didn't eat anything. She had lost so much weight and was starting to pee blood. Luke and I decided it was best if we put her down. It broke my heart. I met Luke at the vet last Tuesday afternoon and when I walked in the lobby and saw Millie sitting by Luke, I still was questioning if we were making the right decision. When they picked Millie up to carry her back to start her IV, blood leaked out everywhere..I was shocked, but I also knew at that moment we were making the right decision. I have always known when the time came, I would be there for my babies, as painful as it might be to witness, the least thing I could do was be there for them when they needed me most. They led Luke and I to a room and brought Millie in with an IV in her little arm. They laid her on the counter in front of us and we had a few minutes to just hold her and love her. I wrapped my arms around her and told her how much I loved her and that we were going to be together forever. Dr. Hillegas came in and asked if we were sure this was what we wanted to do and I started crying and said I didn't know..she felt Millie's back leg and said the one leg had lost all sensation and she would never walk again and she felt we were making the right decision. I held onto Millie so tight and looked the other way while she put Millie to sleep. Millie was panting one minute and within seconds, she stopped panting and took her last breath and she was gone with a matter of about 5 seconds. They left Luke and I alone with Millie for a little while and we hugged each other. I truly felt a sense of peace after, but so sad and heartbroken without Millie. We took her home and buried her and when I brought her collar in the house, Daisy and Sadie sniffed it and Daisy cried all night. Broke my heart. I miss her kisses so much. I miss coming home from work everyday and having her greet me at the door. We have now lost two dogs in two months and I am ready for a break! I need Sadie and Daisy to stay as healthy as they can! Sadie's tumor is growing so fast and all we can do is enjoy the time we do have with her and focus on the fact that we will be together again someday! I had a dear friend tell me..don't think of it as putting Millie down..you sent her up to a place most of us wish we could be!! I loved that!

I have amazing friends and I am truly blessed. The friends whom I thought I was closest to, sadly became more distant. I don't understand if they didn't know what to say..but silence hurts more than anything. The friends whom I didn't think would say much came to my side instantly. I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers at work from some friends. I am just so blessed. I have a darling friend who had Luke, Gracie and I come over with some friends and have a fun pizza/game night Saturday night to get our minds off of life and it was a blast and very much needed! I just can't express how grateful I am for all of the countless blessing I am continued to be blessed with on a daily basis.

Thanksgiving was nice. Went to my parents and Matt and the kids came up and it was fun to see everyone and play games. My heart just wasn't in it this year due to Millie..but it was great to be surrounded by those I love. I hope that everyone was able to reflect on all of the wonderful things in their lives they are so thankful for. I know I have to many to list! I love you all!

Date Night

Last night was awesome. Luke called me at work and told me he was taking me out to dinner which I loved so we dropped Gracie off at one of my besties houses and went to the Coppermill! It was delicious and the best part was being alone for a few hours for dinner! Pricless! So grateful for friends! Gracie got to have Mickey Mouse pancakes, make a turkey, play with her dogs...perfect night!

My Sweet Millie

This post is for all of my cute, sweet friends who have asked me to keep you updated on Millie. She had her surgery a few weeks ago and was doing really great despite the cancer. She had a bad bladder infection so they put her on some heavy duty antibiotics which seemed to do the trick..well Friday after work I noticed she was shaking a little..Saturday, Sunday, yesterday she hasn't eaten any dog food. She will eat eggs but not dog food. She is getting so weak and her hind legs seem to be giving out. When she lays down it's all she has just to stand back up and this has all happened in three days. I called the vet tech and she said it is probably the cancer progressing faster than we thought it would..but I don't think that is it. I called her again this morning and they are going to see Millie today at 430. I don't think the cancer would take her this fast considering it is round cell tumor which is slow growing. I am wondering if the bladder infection is back or if she might have an infection in her throat where he removed 80% of that tumor...I just hope and pray that whatever it is they can make her feel better and it isn't anything life threatening. I am so worried for her! I feel like I can't say enough prayers right now. This is the hard part of having 4 amazing dogs that are the same age..one by one they are fading quickly and it breaks my heart! But I am truly grateful for all of the amazing, happy wonderful memories we have made over the years and hope there are many more to come!

Costumes

Just dropped Gracie off to school in her cute Chicken costume..I love Halloween! She was so excited this morning to get dressed up! We have been very fortunate with costumes this year. My cute Mom got her a witch costume not knowing about the chicken costume and my cute friend Steph at work borrowed her an adorable zebra costume. Monday night I think we will do the zebra costume so she stays warm!

Millie sure has been in my thoughts..we found out she has Round Cell Tumor which isn't as bad as squamous cell which is great news..I just hope and pray it is slow growing so we have more time with her! I hate cancer! I hate that 2 of my 3 babies has cancer and I can't do anything about it! I hate feeling so helpless!

Tomorrow is the diabetes doc for me. Every three months sure does come quick. Just hoping and praying for good news. I hope everyone is loving this fun holiday and all that comes with it!

Millie's Results

My sweet Millie had the scope done this morning. It was so hard dropping her off. Dr. Israelsen called and said he found a tumor in her airway about 1 inch in diameter which breaks my heart. He was able to remove about 80% of it but he thinks it is squamous Cell carcinoma which means it will grow back fast. It is in the worst location possible. He said we could do surgery where they would cut through the neck to get to it but it is a big deal, so we have decided to just keep her comfortable. He is putting her on the same drugs that Sadie is on for her tumor called CAS options and they have been so great for Sadie. They have bought her good, quality time with us and I hope they can do the same for Millie. I am just in shock. I hate this. Dusty passed away 3 weeks ago today and it is all happening so fast. Sadie turns 12 today! My cute sweet Sadie! I am just so blessed to have had 4 healthy dogs live to be 12! I just hate feeling so helpless. Thank you so much for all of the thoughts and prayers. Love to all.

Millie

Our sweet Millie has been having a hard time lately..we noticed she lost her bark about 3 or 4 months ago and since then has been coughing horribly and struggling to breathe..Luke took her to the vet a few weeks ago and he thinks she has Laryngeal Paralysis but it could also be a tumor and the only way to know is to do a scope..we were hoping to put it off for a few months but it has gotten progressively worse the past little while that I scheduled her for Monday and I am terrified for the results. I am so grateful to have had our sweet babies as long as we have but losing Dusty a few weeks ago is making everything seem to real now...I feel like a part of me died when he died..Sadie turns 12 on Monday and Millie and Daisy turn 12 in March. I am just hoping for the best! Please keep her in your prayers for me! Thank you!!!

Volunteer Mommy

I was a volunteer Mommy today at Gracie's preschool. It was fun to see her at school all day. I have to say, I have a great daughter! She is so smart and didn't get into any trouble! Such a cutie. I could have sat and watched her all day! I am proud to say she is mine! Miss Marci asked me if I would volunteer twice next week too! We missed Annie Saturday night since Gracie was sick but went last night for Family Home Evening. Darling play. Luke got all dressed up and looked so handsome! Such a great night! Tonight he is fixing dinner! I am one lucky gal! We got to watch Eddie one last time Saturday night before they move to Missippi. We sure will miss that dog! Such a sweet boy! Hope everyone is well and loving this fall weather!