Christmas 2011

This year Christmas was a sick one:( Gracie bug got sick Christmas Eve morning...fever, bad cough, was just exhausted. I had a migraine Friday night, Saturday, Sunday...got a fever, sore throat...just felt exhausted. Went to my cute parents house for the usual Christmas Eve feast and games. My Dad was such a trooper and entertained Gracie so the adults could play games, headed home around 10 since we felt crappy and got Gracie to bed. Gracie was up all night coughing, my head hurt so bad and Daisy got sick too...just a cruddy night. Christmas morning Gracie woke up and didn't really seem to care Santa had even come. She felt lousy and so did I. Luke and I got really dizzy and could barely walk without falling Christmas morning and were worried about carbon monoxide even though our detectors weren't going off. Got back to my Mom's for Christmas breakfast, opened presents and headed back home feeling a tad better. Then we went to Luke's Dad's house and had dinner and opened presents there and Gracie got to finally play with her cute cousins for a few hours despite how crappy she felt. We took her home, put her to bed and I tried to fall asleep, but my head and throat hurt so bad...so sad since so much preperation goes into Christmas and I felt like it was all for nothing this year darn it! Gracie still has a bad cough and I would love to feel better soon. We are doing our usual New Year's Eve Party at the house, so I have my work cut out for me since our house looks like World War 4 has been through it! Gracie is one spoiled little girl and it was fun spoiling her! She has sooooo many fun toys. She got the cutest Doll House from Santa... I will post some pics. She got a darling desk so she can do crafts and what not on it, about 10 barbies, barbie cars, horses, tons of games, darling clothes, puzzles, books...she is soo spoiled and I am one lucky girl myself! Santa brought me an Ipad and the most beautiful bracelet. It is diamonds and sapphires since that is our anniversary stone...I got some adorable boots...can't wait to wear them! I hope Christmas was truly magical for everyone!

Marf

I searched and searched for the perfect Elf for Gracie since the one that comes with the Elf on the Shelf book gives me the creeps and I found such a cute one. I will have to post a pic so everyone can see it. When she opened it she said it's Marf! And I said Marf? He was wearing green so she explained to me that he is martian and elf..get it...Marf??? I tried to tell her his name is Christopher and she wasn't having any part of that, so Marf it is. Marf has become a HUGE part of this Christmas which I am grateful for since I can't seem to get in the Christmas spirit at all. Losing sweet Sadie last week and Millie two weeks before and Dusty in October has pretty much taken it's toll on me. Daisy has been so sad and hasn't eaten in a week:( Marf keeps finding the funnest spots to hide and Gracie loves searching for him every morning. That in itself is helping me get more in the spirit by seeing Christmas through her eyes! I hope everyone is well!

Sadie

My sweet Sadie...passed away yesterday. She has been the best dog we have ever had and truly is my best friend. She was 12 years old. She was diagnosed in July with bone cancer on her shoulder and the past five months the tumor grew so fast...she could barely walk and we knew it was time. Dr. Hillegas came to our house last night and put her to sleep on her pillow while I held her. My cute Mom came out to help with Gracie. Luke and I miss her so much. It already feels like forever since I saw and held her last. I do know she isn't hurting anymore which means everything to me. My biggest concern now is our last dog Daisy. She is so sad and lonely. She slept on Sadie's pillow last night and has been searching the house for her all morning. She just cries and it breaks my heart. I hope she will be with us for awhile. Three dogs in three months has pretty much killed me. I am filled with so much peace right now. I know that is my sweet Sadie and Heavenly Father letting me know it's going to be alright. I know Dusty and Millie and Sadie are out having the time of their lives..running..playing and pain free! And like I have said before..the only thing that gets me through times like this is knowing we will be together again someday! I know when my time comes I will have all of these sweet babies waiting for me and that makes me smile.

It hasn't really seemed like Christmas this year since we have had such sick puppies. I have got to somehow get in the spirit for Gracie and Daisy too. Thank you so much to all of my cute friends and family for their prayers, support and sweet words through this tough time. I miss my best friend so much. But somehow, I think she is closer than I could possibly imagine..so I am sure I will chat, cry, laugh, etc..with her often as I do with Millie and Dusty too. I hope this season is filled with love for everyone...

Millie

My cute, sweet, beautiful Millie passed away last Tuesday. We found out about two weeks ago she had a pinched nerve and started her on some meds that really helped for a few days and then we noticed her back legs weren't working so well, within a matter of days Millie could no longer walk and had stopped eating for the most part. I fed her eggs everyday which she ate but the last two days of her life she didn't eat anything. She had lost so much weight and was starting to pee blood. Luke and I decided it was best if we put her down. It broke my heart. I met Luke at the vet last Tuesday afternoon and when I walked in the lobby and saw Millie sitting by Luke, I still was questioning if we were making the right decision. When they picked Millie up to carry her back to start her IV, blood leaked out everywhere..I was shocked, but I also knew at that moment we were making the right decision. I have always known when the time came, I would be there for my babies, as painful as it might be to witness, the least thing I could do was be there for them when they needed me most. They led Luke and I to a room and brought Millie in with an IV in her little arm. They laid her on the counter in front of us and we had a few minutes to just hold her and love her. I wrapped my arms around her and told her how much I loved her and that we were going to be together forever. Dr. Hillegas came in and asked if we were sure this was what we wanted to do and I started crying and said I didn't know..she felt Millie's back leg and said the one leg had lost all sensation and she would never walk again and she felt we were making the right decision. I held onto Millie so tight and looked the other way while she put Millie to sleep. Millie was panting one minute and within seconds, she stopped panting and took her last breath and she was gone with a matter of about 5 seconds. They left Luke and I alone with Millie for a little while and we hugged each other. I truly felt a sense of peace after, but so sad and heartbroken without Millie. We took her home and buried her and when I brought her collar in the house, Daisy and Sadie sniffed it and Daisy cried all night. Broke my heart. I miss her kisses so much. I miss coming home from work everyday and having her greet me at the door. We have now lost two dogs in two months and I am ready for a break! I need Sadie and Daisy to stay as healthy as they can! Sadie's tumor is growing so fast and all we can do is enjoy the time we do have with her and focus on the fact that we will be together again someday! I had a dear friend tell me..don't think of it as putting Millie down..you sent her up to a place most of us wish we could be!! I loved that!

I have amazing friends and I am truly blessed. The friends whom I thought I was closest to, sadly became more distant. I don't understand if they didn't know what to say..but silence hurts more than anything. The friends whom I didn't think would say much came to my side instantly. I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers at work from some friends. I am just so blessed. I have a darling friend who had Luke, Gracie and I come over with some friends and have a fun pizza/game night Saturday night to get our minds off of life and it was a blast and very much needed! I just can't express how grateful I am for all of the countless blessing I am continued to be blessed with on a daily basis.

Thanksgiving was nice. Went to my parents and Matt and the kids came up and it was fun to see everyone and play games. My heart just wasn't in it this year due to Millie..but it was great to be surrounded by those I love. I hope that everyone was able to reflect on all of the wonderful things in their lives they are so thankful for. I know I have to many to list! I love you all!

Date Night

Last night was awesome. Luke called me at work and told me he was taking me out to dinner which I loved so we dropped Gracie off at one of my besties houses and went to the Coppermill! It was delicious and the best part was being alone for a few hours for dinner! Pricless! So grateful for friends! Gracie got to have Mickey Mouse pancakes, make a turkey, play with her dogs...perfect night!

My Sweet Millie

This post is for all of my cute, sweet friends who have asked me to keep you updated on Millie. She had her surgery a few weeks ago and was doing really great despite the cancer. She had a bad bladder infection so they put her on some heavy duty antibiotics which seemed to do the trick..well Friday after work I noticed she was shaking a little..Saturday, Sunday, yesterday she hasn't eaten any dog food. She will eat eggs but not dog food. She is getting so weak and her hind legs seem to be giving out. When she lays down it's all she has just to stand back up and this has all happened in three days. I called the vet tech and she said it is probably the cancer progressing faster than we thought it would..but I don't think that is it. I called her again this morning and they are going to see Millie today at 430. I don't think the cancer would take her this fast considering it is round cell tumor which is slow growing. I am wondering if the bladder infection is back or if she might have an infection in her throat where he removed 80% of that tumor...I just hope and pray that whatever it is they can make her feel better and it isn't anything life threatening. I am so worried for her! I feel like I can't say enough prayers right now. This is the hard part of having 4 amazing dogs that are the same age..one by one they are fading quickly and it breaks my heart! But I am truly grateful for all of the amazing, happy wonderful memories we have made over the years and hope there are many more to come!

Costumes

Just dropped Gracie off to school in her cute Chicken costume..I love Halloween! She was so excited this morning to get dressed up! We have been very fortunate with costumes this year. My cute Mom got her a witch costume not knowing about the chicken costume and my cute friend Steph at work borrowed her an adorable zebra costume. Monday night I think we will do the zebra costume so she stays warm!

Millie sure has been in my thoughts..we found out she has Round Cell Tumor which isn't as bad as squamous cell which is great news..I just hope and pray it is slow growing so we have more time with her! I hate cancer! I hate that 2 of my 3 babies has cancer and I can't do anything about it! I hate feeling so helpless!

Tomorrow is the diabetes doc for me. Every three months sure does come quick. Just hoping and praying for good news. I hope everyone is loving this fun holiday and all that comes with it!