Tomorrow my baby girl is turning one and I would be so ungrateful if I didn't take a few minutes and express my love for that little girl. One year ago tonight, about this time I started feeling pretty crappy. Bad head and the throw ups, not knowing that I had eclampsia, I spent the night on the couch so I wouldn't wake Luke up since I was throwing up every few minutes. Had I only known what would happen over the next 24 hours....to make a very long, long story short, 2 seizures, biting a chunk of my tongue off, an ambulance ride, 4 strokes, going into cardiac arrest for 3 minutes, ribs were broken while they did chest compressions, being life-flighted to Mckay-Dee, bleeding on the brain, platelets dropped below 40,000 and they have to be over 100,000 for surgery so I got a six pack of platelets before the surgery, in surgery for 4 hours, 3 were spent trying to intubate me while I was awake with no luck, Miss Gracie Ann Johnson was born at 4:27 pm.
I have so many people I want to thank for being there for me while I was in the hospital. First, Luke. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you finding me, giving me an incredible blessing with my Dad, your Dad, Mark and Dr. Ferguson. For having the strength to be by side through this trying experience. I can't even begin to imagine what was going through your mind during all of this. I love you more than you will ever know. Suzanne, you are the closest I will ever come to a sister and you were right next to me and I can't thank you enough for that. My cute Mom told me you sat with me for awhile in the recovery room holding my hand talking to me and I would give anything to remember that, but I can't. I am so grateful my Mom and others have filled me in. I know you being there helped me more than you can ever know. Mark, my little brother, you are such a great example to me. The funny thing is, I can't remember anything from the Saturday night until Monday night, but I do remember you in the recovery room telling me that you don't tell me enough that you love me. That has meant more to me than anything. I don't tell you enough just how much I love you and what you mean to me. I don't know what I did in the previous life to get you for my brother, but I would do it 1000 times over, same with Matt! Matt and Amy, thank you for being there and for your thoughts and prayers and for coming and spending time with me. I know Mckay-Dee is out of the way for all of you and I am so grateful you all came and saw me several times. Eldon and Becky, thanks for being there, for your thoughts and prayers also. Words can't even express how thankful I am for you. Michelle, I am so grateful to have you in my life. You were one of the lucky ones that were put on the NICU pass so you could come and see Gracie. When I saw that picture of you holding her, it just melted my heart. I will treasure that picture and our friendship forever. I love you! Kim Arigot, my ICU nurse and friend, I love you Kim!!!!!!!! Kim even took the time to wash all the blood out of my hair after the surgery. How lucky am I? She took such good care of me. Since I bit my tongue off and it was so swollen, she would make sure I had sugar free chocolate blue bunny bars which were soooooooooo fabulous! She brought Gracie the cutest pair of pajamas and we have stayed in touch ever since. Dr. Seale, the amazing physician/surgeon that delivered Gracie. I can't tell you enough how much I love you! You truly saved not only my life, but Gracie's. I am so, so, so glad you were the on call doctor that day! You will always be a huge part of our lives and I can't thank you enough for your skill, talents and friendship. We love you! NICU nurses, we love you all too! I wish I could name them all by name! Dr. Ferguson, you also saved my life and I can't thank you enough for making the decision to have me life-flighted to Mckay-Dee where Dr. Seale performed his magic. Thank you and we love you too! Thank you to Dr. Kirkman for being such a great OB, he was planning on doing a c-section on July 26th, but obviously plans didn't work out that way. We love you Dr. Kirkman. Thank you to all of our cute family and friends that took the time to come and visit and for all of your thoughts and prayers. Last but not least, my Mom and Dad. My parents have been through so much with me. My health hasn't been the greatest since I got diabetes and I have spent way to many nights in the ICU. My Mom always comes and holds my hand, rubs my head, brushes my hair back, brings me magazines, a nightgown, just makes me feel like her baby all over again which to me, is priceless. She stays with me until late at night and is back there with me first thing in the morning. She stays with me for every IV poke, blood draw, blood gas, etc. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. She truly is my best friend. Everytime I am in an ER, I seem to panic, she always makes me laugh. She always makes things seem better. I hope that I can be the same kind of Mom to Gracie that she has been for me. I love you so much Mom. I feel so bad for being such a rotten teenager and putting you and Dad through so much crap. Even though a whole year has passed, this whole entry brings me to tears. I am so full of gratitude for my Heavenly Father, for blessing my life with this beautiful miracle. She is perfect. She is healthy, happy and just the cutest little girl in the whole world. I never knew how fast and how deep I could fall in love with something so tiny. I don't deserve this little angel. She is to good to be true. I have to keep pinching myself to make sure I am not dreaming. I love you Gracie and I can't believe it has already been a year! Where has the time gone. My father-in-law told me tonight that I will blink and she is going to be grown up and gone! I believe it. I seem to have no concept of time anymore. I am going to post tons of pictures of my hospital stay and let me just warn you ahead of time. When all this happened, you will notice in the first picture, I am not larger than life, within 24 hours I gained like 60 pounds of fluid from the eclampsia and HELLP syndrome, not a pretty picture, but these are so precious to me and I want to share them with all of you. It is hopefully the worst you will ever see me, but inside, the happiest and luckiest. I love you all.
Dad & Gracie
Mom & Eldon
Michelle & Gracie
5 days later and 60+ pounds less we bring Gracie home!
Kim Arigot & Gracie
Dr. Seale & Gracie
And here is Miss Gracie now! Isn't she beautiful???
